Inspired by my friend Zhaleh (who inspires me far more often than she probably knows), I decided to answer her 25 questions for 2013 as I start this new year. It's a lot but I am happy that I took the time to reflect on these issues. It's less about making up resolutions as much as recognizing the personal journey I am on. I highly recommend a similar exercise - Cheers!
1.
What am I most proud of this past year?
This
should be the easiest question to answer shouldn’t it? Walking the trails with
Kels this morning and discussing our past year and the one coming up, I had far
more areas of improvement to discuss than areas I felt accomplished in. I have
been proud however of taking advantage of the career opportunities presented to
me. From helping my professor edit his book, which was published by the Oxford
University Press; going to Brussels to work with an international non-profit;
jumping headfirst in my anti-human trafficking consultant position; and working
at two of the best firms in Los Angeles in civil rights for the better part of
the year. All my life I have been waiting for these experiences to help narrow
down what I want to do and what I like to do as far as my career goes. I think
this past year, that has definitely become clear. Now it just depends on what
kind of career ops come up this year that will put me on a certain career path!
The other thing that I am most happy with is getting to take my mom on a couple
of trips and concerts. She has always been my biggest inspiration and support
and I am glad that I finally got it together enough to show my mom how much I love
her.
2. How can I become a better _____________?
I
want to be a better friend. I can blame my poor performance on work and school
and so on, but that’s useless. I missed birthdays, parties, work presentations,
and lots of other ups and downs that I should have been present for some of my
closest friends. Not to mention when I did make these events, I sometimes felt
tired and overextended and wasn’t as enthusiastic as I should have been. Even
typing that out makes me feel so lousy. I think part of fixing this issue is
maintaining a good, healthy routine where I keep my energy and pace myself for
the end of the week. I am a front-loader and by Friday, I would be exhausted
and sometimes even depressed. I wanted to curl up in bed with Sophie (who clearly
wanted to go out and party) and rest, instead of going out and meeting new
people and supporting old ones. I need to be careful with my commitments, not
taking on too much and sticking to ones I do commit to. I think this will make
me naturally more present (and positive) for my friends.
3.
Where am I feeling stuck?
By
working so much, I have also realized that as much of a work-oholic I am, I
have felt creatively stifled. I didn’t attend as many concerts I wanted to, I
didn’t improve on my blog, I want in yoga pants far too much and especially
after coming back from Belgium, stopped taking photos and cooking as much. I am
not an artist, but those outlets are especially important to me in maintaining
mental and emotional balance. Most certainly, I need to focus on that side of
brain more.
4. Where do I need to allow myself grace?
In my
self-criticism. Whenever I feel an minute amount of rejection, even in the most
ridiculous ways, I turn it into an opportunity to tear myself down. There is a
way to focus on self-improvement without thinking of one’s self as inadequate.
This year, I need to learn to toe that line and maintain my confidence, even
when I see areas of improvement.
5. Am I passionate about my career?
YES.
I don’t exactly know what my career will look like once I leave law school.
However, throughout my work for three non-profits, two private law firms, doing
research in academia, working for the government, etc., my values and goals
have been the same advocacy and equality related to issues of civil rights.
6. What lessons have I learned?
To be
bolder. A few years ago, I don’t think I could have taken the internship in
Brussels, taken such initiative at work, or even been able to communicate the
way I have with the people, especially guys, in my life. I think I can be even
more honest, since sometimes I internalize a lot and then it comes out like a
freaking geyser, but learning to be bolder with my actions and words is
something I have started to realize.
How
important the women in my life are. My mom, aunts, family friends, and
girlfriends. They inspire and support me everyday with their grace, sense of
humor, intelligence and creativity.
That
it is okay to be vulnerable. So I am still working on this one because it has
just started. I hate being disappointed, disillusioned and disenchanted (Seda’s
words), so I put up moving walls (Evan’s words) or the great wall of China
(Devon’s words). I expect people to act a certain way so I tend toward being
guarded OR laughing off everything as a joke. Bad news bears. I’m working on
being more open.
Not
to do things I don’t want to do. Financially, I decided to take on a couple of
projects that I didn’t enjoy. Then I realized I hated it and impulsively let it
go. So happy I did.
7. What did my finances look like?
Uh.
Eff law school loans. On the other hand, because of my work and the extra
freelance assignments I picked, I was able to invest in things that are really
important to me, such as travel, going out and good music. I felt a little
tight toward the end of the year (tires and new computers are expensive), but
for the most part, I think I managed myself pretty well in the circumstances.
8. How did I spend my free time?
For a
majority of the year, I was really great about hiking with Sophie every day. I
sort of lost this a bit with Brussels and my full work schedule over the
summer, but I was happy that when I wasn’t in school or work, I was outside. I
went out a lot with my friends, which I hope to keep up, but I do want to try
new places. I also got to spend really amazing time with my family.
9. How well did I take care of my body, mind, and soul?
Body
– started the year off well and ended well. Brussels was a bit rough with the
delicious beers all about and at the beginning of the summer, it was hard to
balance working out with. However, when I am eating well and working out, my
mental state is amazing. I went through a couple of rough patches, which were
probably exasperated by me ignoring bad habits. Thank god for my friends, who
listened to me and put up with all my emotional rampaging.
I am
about to sound hella melodramatic but I think I neglected my soul. I stopped
writing regularly, I read maybe one book for pleasure, I didn’t take photos,
etc. That is terrifying.
10. How have I been open-minded?
I
think my work naturally keeps me open-minded. One of my ah-ha moments of the
year is on this petition I am working on for a DV victim in Ecuador. Despite
all of my training and experience, I had a great deal of cynicism and doubt
about this particular’s situation. It was shocking once I verbalized and worked
through these thoughts.
11. When did I feel most creatively inspired?
I get
my daily dose by all the amazing female bloggers I follow. But I am most
injected when I am having coffee with girls like Nathalie and Jacy and Lauren and Paige –
girls who are artistic and creative and funny.
12. What projects have I completed?
Mostly
work related. I’m proud of my law review article, my evaluations for LAFLA and
CAST, the appellate briefs I helped draft, my editing of various chapters and
books and articles, etc.
This
year, I want to focus on self/creative projects.
13. How have I procrastinated?
In
all ways possible all the time. This goes from grocery shopping to doing
laundry to finishing work projects to studying. I did not have to pull all
nighters, but too much of my weekends was playing catch up. Damn Facebook and
Buzzfeed.
14. In what ways can I re-structure my time?
I’d
like to wake up an hour earlier each day. I already wake up pretty early to
hike with Sophs most days. However, an additional hour would allow me time to
look through my blogs and write before the day kicks in. I also want to set up
a system where I only check my email twice a day unless I am at work. I often
find that my constant availability to colleagues and people in general takes
away from my productivity. However, generally, I think my time-management is pretty good.
15. How have I allowed fear of failure hold me back?
Two
things. Creative projects and my personal relationships. Fear of failing has
made me less likely to take initiative in either of those areas.
16. Where has self-doubt taken over?
This
is something I am currently grappling with, which is moving my career forward.
I am not “leaning in” but rather waiting for others’ to “reward” me for the
hard work I believe I have been doing. Despite everything I know about women
and the difficulty we face in career development, I still have feelings of
inadequacy.
17. When have I felt the most alive?
When
I am hosting dinners for my friends, traveling, and hiking at sunrise with
Sophie. Also when I hit really interesting and exciting legal issues in my
research and actually understand them.
18. How have I taught others to respect me?
I don’t
know how to answer this question. I think this is easier again in a
professional aspect. I work hard, work late hours, work when I don’t have to. I
am dedicated to that. However, I need to procrastinate less. Personally, I feel
I am a bit of a loss – help?
19. How can I improve my relationships?
Honesty.
And perhaps being less flippant. I have realized that I treat people too
casually sometimes, but having been in the reverse position, its terrible. I
want to be more mindful of others.
20. Have I been unfair to anyone?
Yes.
That is really hard for me to admit. As I learned to be bolder about what I
wanted this year, I think I may have been too dismissive of some individuals
around me. I think it was a great learning process for me. However, I think of
myself as someone who invests and cares a lot in other people and I want to get
back to this good place.
21. Who do I need to forgive?
This
has also been a year of forgiveness for me. There are certain people that have
played an important, but sometimes negative, role in my life. This past year, I
have learned how to allow them in my life by forgiving them and understanding
their roles. I think this is a gold star for me.
22. Where is it time to let go?
There
is a list of about eight. No need to go into the specifics, but just
understanding that I’ve learned what I can from those situations and there is
no need to dwell on or change anything.
23. What old habits would I like to release?
I
watch Law and Order instead of being creative. When I am down or tired, I have,
more than any other year, reverted to vegging. Gross.
Also
no more yoga pants unless I am working out.
24. What new habits would I like to cultivate?
Earlier
mornings. More shows. A book a week. Weekly entertaining. Style blogging.
Honesty. Daily photography. Hydration. More yoga.
25. How can I be kind to myself?
Keeping
positive people around me. Channeling energy into creative projects. Being
honest with myself.
Monday breakfast: omelet with peppers, kale, potatoes, parmesan and goat cheese.
